Part IV. ANALYTICAL WRITING

Chapter 16. Analytical Writing Foundations and Content Review

Introduction to Analytical Writing Foundations and Content Review

The GRE tests your ability to construct a coherent, logical, and well-developed response to a writing prompt. This requires a mastery of grammatical, syntactical, and language concepts, as well as an awareness of audience and command of the writing process. These concepts include:

·        Streamlining Wordy Phrases ·        Eliminating Redundancy ·        Avoiding Excessive Qualification ·        Removing Unnecessary Sentences ·        Avoiding Needless Self-Reference ·        Using Active Voice rather than Passive Voice ·        Including Strong Openings ·        Avoiding Needlessly Vague Language ·        Rewording Clichés ·        Avoiding Jargon ·        Ensuring Subject-Verb Agreement

·        Avoiding Faulty Modification ·        Avoiding Unclear Pronoun Reference ·        Correctly Using Parallelism ·        Using a Consistent Narrative Voice ·        Avoiding Slang and Colloquialisms ·        Avoiding Sentence Fragments and Run-Ons ·        Correctly Using Commas ·        Correctly Using Semicolons ·        Correctly Using Colons ·        Correctly Using Hyphens and Dashes ·        Correctly Using Apostrophes

This chapter will cover all these grammatical and writing concepts and provide practice sets to help you conquer the writing task using the clearest, strongest language possible.

Streamlining Wordy Phrases

Why use several words when one will do? Many people make the mistake of writing phrases such as at the present time or at this point in time instead of the simpler now, or take into consideration instead of simply consider, in an attempt to make their prose seem more scholarly or more formal. It doesn’t work. Instead, their prose ends up seeming inflated and pretentious. Don’t waste your words or your time.

·        WORDY: I am of the opinion that the aforementioned managers should be advised that they will be evaluated with regard to the utilization of responsive organizational software for the purpose of devising a responsive network of customers.

·        CONCISE: We should tell the managers that we will evaluate their use of flexible computerized databases to develop a customer network.

STREAMLINING WORDY PHRASES PRACTICE SET

Read the following sentences and revise the wordy phrases.

1.     

1.    Government funding cripples the natural relationship of arts enthusiasts and artists by subsidizing work and makes artists less creative and forces the taxpayer to take on the burden of paying for art they don’t like.

2.    There are many reasons why some may believe that the services of one real estate agent are superior in quality to the services of another competing real estate agent or group of agents, including the personal service they provide, the care and quality of the work they do, and the communication lines they set up and keep open.

Answers and Explanations

Streamlining Wordy Phrases Practice Set

1.    The government should not subsidize artists, because it makes them less creative and forces taxpayers to pay for art they don't like.

The original sentence contained unnecessary repetition. The original sentence does not need to include both “funding” and “subsidizing,” as both words refer to the same thing. The clause about “crippling the natural relationship” is also redundant, as that is implied by listing the negative effects government funding will have on both artists and the taxpayers.

2.    Reasons for choosing one real estate agent over another include personal service, care, communication, and quality of work.

The revised sentence condenses the two main clauses, i.e. the main idea (choosing one real estate agent over another) and the subsequent list. It also pares down the unnecessary repetition. There is no need to explain that communication lines are set up and kept open, for example.

Eliminating Redundancy

Redundancy means that the writer needlessly repeats an idea. For example, it’s redundant to speak of a beginner lacking experience. The word beginner implies lack of experience by itself. You can eliminate redundant words or phrases without changing the meaning of the sentence.

Here are some common redundancies:

REDUNDANT	CONCISE
refer back	refer
few in number	few
small-sized	small
grouped together	grouped
in my own personal opinion	in my opinion
end result	result
serious crisis	crisis
new initiatives	initiatives

·        REDUNDANT: It is wise to plan ahead for unexpected problems.

·        CONCISE: It is wise to plan for unexpected problems.

In this example, “plan ahead” is redundant. In what situation would you “plan behind”? “Unexpected problems” is acceptable because, while some problems are unexpected, others are readily anticipated.

ELIMINATING REDUNDANCY PRACTICE SET

Read the following sentences and revise to eliminate redundancy.

1.     

1.    All of these problems have combined together to create a serious crisis.

2.    That monument continues to remain a significant tourist attraction.

Answers and Explanations

Eliminating Redundancy Practice Set

1.    All of these problems have combined to create a crisis.

Crises are inherently serious, and things cannot combine apart. The adverb and adjective are redundant.

2.    That monument remains a significant tourist attraction.

There is no need to reinforce “remain” with “continues.” The verb “remain” implies that.

Avoiding Excessive Qualification

Because the object of your essay is to convince your reader of your point of view, you will want to adopt a reasonable tone. There will likely be no single, clear-cut “answer’’ to the essay topic, so don’t overstate your case. Occasional use of such qualifiers as fairly, rather, somewhat, and relatively and of such expressions as seems to be, a little, and a certain amount of will let the reader know you are reasonable, but overusing such modifiers weakens your argument. Excessive qualification makes you sound hesitant. Like wordy phrases, qualifiers can add bulk without adding substance.

·        WORDY: This rather serious breach of etiquette may possibly shake the very foundations of the corporate world.

·        CONCISE: This serious breach of etiquette may shake the foundations of the corporate world.

Just as bad is the overuse of the word very. Some writers use this intensifying adverb before almost every adjective in an attempt to be more forceful. If you need to add emphasis, look for a stronger adjective or adverb.

·        WEAK: Adelaide is a very good flautist.

·        STRONG: Adelaide is a virtuoso flautist.

·        STRONG: Adelaide plays beautifully.

And don’t try to qualify words that are already absolute.

WRONG	CORRECT
more unique	unique
the very worst	the worst
completely full	full

AVOIDING EXCESSIVE QUALIFICATION PRACTICE SET

Read the following sentences and revise the excessive qualification(s).

1.     

1.    She is a fairly excellent teacher.

2.    It’s possible that we might overcome these obstacles.

Answers and Explanations

Avoiding Excessive Qualification Practice Set

1.    She is an excellent teacher.

The use of the adverb “fairly” unnecessarily weakens the point of the sentence.

2.    We might overcome these obstacles.

The word “might” implies that it’s possible but not certain, so saying “it’s possible” is unnecessary.

Removing Unnecessary Sentences

Brevity is crucial for success on a timed test that emphasizes content over form. Remember, the essays on this test will force you to economize your expression. This principle suggests several things:

·        Don’t write a sentence that strays from the thesis.

·        Don’t ask a question only to answer it; rhetorical questions are a no-no.

·        Don’t merely copy the essay’s prompt.

·        Don’t write a whole sentence only to announce that you’re changing the subject.

If you have something to say, say it without preamble. If you need to smooth over a change of subject, do so with a transitional word or phrase rather than with a meaningless sentence.

·        WORDY: Which idea of the author’s is more in line with what I believe? This is a very interesting question.

·        CONCISE: The author’s beliefs are similar to mine.

The author of the wordy example above is just wasting words and time. Get to the point quickly and stay there.

REMOVING UNNECESSARY SENTENCES PRACTICE SET

Read the sentences and rewrite each pair as one concise statement.

1.     

1.    What’s the purpose of getting rid of the chemical pollutants in water? People cannot safely consume water that contains chemical pollutants.

2.    I do not believe it is necessary to include the telemetry data. The telemetry data adds little of value to the study of stellar drift.

Answers and Explanations

Removing Unnecessary Sentences Practice Set

1.    People cannot safely consume water that contains chemical pollutants.

The first sentence is an unnecessary rhetorical question.

2.    It is not necessary to include the telemetry data, as it adds little of value to the study of stellar drift.

In this situation, there are two different but related thoughts: the merits of the data, and whether or not to include it. It is therefore best to combine the sentences, which can be done elegantly without destroying the flow of the passage.

Avoiding Needless Self-Reference

Avoid such unnecessary phrases as I believe, I feel, and in my opinion. There is no need to remind your reader that what you are writing is your opinion. Self-reference is another—very obvious—form of qualifying what you say.

·        WEAK: I am of the opinion that air pollution is a more serious problem than most people realize.

·        FORCEFUL: Air pollution is a more serious problem than most people realize.

AVOIDING NEEDLESS SELF-REFERENCE PRACTICE SET

Eliminate needless self-references in these sentences.

1.     

1.    It seems to me that nuclear energy is safer and cleaner than burning fossil fuels. I think we should build more nuclear power plants.

2.    The author, in my personal opinion, is stuck in the past.

Answers and Explanations

Avoiding Needless Self-Reference Practice Set

1.    Nuclear energy is safer and cleaner than burning fossil fuels, so we should build more nuclear power plants.

“It seems to me” and “I think” hedge unnecessarily and intrude on the argument. (Also note how combining these statements makes the argument flow better.)

2.    The author is stuck in the past.

Unless specified otherwise, your writing will always express your opinion.

Using Active Voice Rather Than Passive Voice

Using the passive voice is a way to avoid accountability (it’s often referred to as the “politician’s voice”). Put verbs in the active voice whenever possible. In the active voice, the subject performs the action (e.g., “we write essays”). In the passive voice, the subject is the receiver of the action and is often only implied (e.g., “essays are written by us”).

·        PASSIVE: The estimate of this year’s tax revenues was prepared by the General Accounting Office.

·        ACTIVE: The General Accounting Office prepared the estimate of this year’s tax revenues.

The passive voice creates weak sentences and is usually the product of writing before you think. Avoid this by organizing your thoughts before you begin writing. Take a few minutes to find out what you want to say before you say it. To change from the passive to the active voice, ask yourself who or what is performing the action. In the sentence above, the General Accounting Office is performing the action; therefore, the General Accounting Office should be the subject of the sentence.

You should avoid the passive voice EXCEPT in the following cases:

·        When you do not know who performed the action: The letter was opened before I received it.

·        When you prefer not to refer directly to the person who performs the action: An error has been made in computing these data.

It is rare to have a good reason to use passive voice in either of the Analytical Writing essays on the GRE.

USING ACTIVE VOICE PRACTICE SET

Read the sentences and replace all instances of passive voice with active voice wherever possible.

1.     

1.    The faulty wiring in the walls went unnoticed by the safety inspectors until it was too late.

2.    The Spanish-American War was fought by brave but misguided men.

Answers and Explanations

Using Active Voice Practice Set

1.    The safety inspectors did not notice the faulty wiring in the walls until it was too late.

The safety inspectors are the ones doing (or not doing) the action, so they should be the subject of the sentence.

2.    Brave but misguided men fought the Spanish-American War.

There is no need for the passive in this situation, as it is absolutely clear who did the fighting.

Including Strong Openings

Try not to begin a sentence with there is, there are, or it is. These roundabout expressions usually indicate that you are trying to distance yourself from the position you are taking. Again, weak openings often result from writing before you think.

INCLUDING STRONG OPENINGS PRACTICE SET

Read the following sentences and revise to improve the openings.

1.     

1.    There isn’t much wilderness left, so we should protect what we have.

2.    There are several reasons why this plane is obsolete.

Answers and Explanations

Including Strong Openings Practice Set

1.    We should protect what little wilderness we have left.

Notice how this statement takes a forceful position right away.

2.    This plane is obsolete for several reasons.

The revised sentence is less timid and states its purpose in a stronger tone.

Avoiding Needlessly Vague Language

Don’t just ramble on when writing your GRE essays. Choose specific, descriptive words. Vague language weakens your writing because it forces the reader to guess what you mean instead of concentrating fully on your ideas and style. The essay topics you’ll be given aren’t going to be obscure. You will be able to come up with specific examples and concrete information about the topics. Your argument will be more forceful if you stick to this approach.

·        WEAK: Ms. Brown is highly educated.

·        FORCEFUL: Ms. Brown has a master’s degree in business administration.

·        WEAK: She is a great communicator.

·        FORCEFUL: She speaks persuasively.

Notice that sometimes, to be more specific and concrete, you will have to use more words than you might with vague language. This principle is not in conflict with the general objective of concision. Being concise may mean eliminating unnecessary words. Avoiding vagueness may mean adding necessary words.

AVOIDING NEEDLESSLY VAGUE LANGUAGE PRACTICE SET

Rewrite these sentences to replace vague language with specific, concrete language. You may need to invent details.

1.     

1.    There are no boundaries to the age of library patrons, and the installation of vending machines is a scheme that potentially has ill effects where young readers are concerned.

2.    Living upstairs from the band has been challenging.

Answers and Explanations

Avoiding Needlessly Vague Language Practice Set

1.    Because the library is open to readers of all ages, including young readers who may overindulge in unhealthy treats, it would be unwise to install vending machines.

The original sentence contains several overwrought phrases and never explains what the “ill effects” of vending machines would be. The rewritten version makes the argument directly.

2.    I can never get enough sleep because the band downstairs holds loud practice sessions every night.

You could have rewritten this sentence in many different ways, but the important thing is to change the vague “has been challenging” to a more specific grievance.

Rewording Clichés

Clichés are overused expressions that may once have seemed colorful and powerful but are now dull and worn out. Time, pressure, and anxiety may make you lose focus; that’s when clichés may slip into your writing. A reliance on clichés will suggest you are a lazy thinker. Keep them out of your essay.

·        WEAK: It began to rain cats and dogs when we arrived at the station.

·        FORCEFUL: A heavy rain began to fall when we arrived at the station.

Putting a cliché in quotation marks to indicate your distance from the cliché does not strengthen the sentence. If anything, it just makes weak writing more noticeable. If you notice any clichés in your writing, ask yourself if you could replace them with more specific language.

REWORDING CLICHÉS PRACTICE SET

Read the following sentences and remove any clichés.

1.     

1.    Be positive is my motto!

2.    Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Jefferson was a great leader.

Answers and Explanations

Rewording Clichés Practice Set

1.    I prefer to praise positive actions than to dwell on negative ones.

The unrevised sentence crams two clichés into five words. The revised sentence is both more specific and more original, which will serve you better in writing an analytical essay.

2.    Jefferson was a great leader.

The revised sentence makes an equally strong assertion, but has a less histrionic tone.

Avoiding Jargon

Jargon includes two categories of words that you should avoid. First is the specialized vocabulary of a group, such as that used by doctors, lawyers, or baseball coaches. Second is the overly inflated and complex language that burdens many students’ essays. You will not impress anyone with big words that do not fit the tone or context of your essay, especially if you misuse them. If you are not certain of a word’s meaning or appropriateness, leave it out. An appropriate word, even a simple one, will add clarity to your argument. As you come across words you are unsure of, ask yourself, “Would a reader in a different field be able to understand exactly what I mean from the words I’ve chosen? Is there any way I can say the same thing more simply?”

·        WEAK: The company is not able to bankroll the project.

·        FORCEFUL: The company is not able to pay for the project.

The following are commonly used jargon words:

AVOIDING JARGON PRACTICE SET

Revise the following sentences to remove the jargon.

1.     

1.    When a parent attempts to correct the bad behavior of a child by positively reinforcing good behavior, this classical conditioning can become ineffective due to extinction.

2.    Foreign diplomats should always interface with local leaders.

Answers and Explanations

Avoiding Jargon Practice Set

1.    Attempting to correct a child’s bad behavior by rewarding good behavior can become ineffective when the reward is withdrawn.

The first sentence was loaded with jargon not readily understood by the average reader. The revised sentence expresses the exact same thought, but in less technically opaque language.

2.    Foreign diplomats should always talk to local leaders.

The verb “interface” is most appropriately used in a technical context. It sounds jarring and pretentious in the unrevised sentence.

Ensuring Subject-Verb Agreement

A verb must agree with its subject regardless of intervening phrases. Do not let the words that come between the subject and the verb confuse you as to the number (singular or plural) of the subject. Usually, one word can be pinpointed as the grammatical subject of the sentence. Find the verb, no matter how far removed, and make sure that it agrees with that subject in number.

·        INCORRECT: The joys of climbing mountains, especially if one is a novice climber without the proper equipment, escapes me.

·        CORRECT: The joys of climbing mountains, especially if one is a novice climber without the proper equipment, escape me.

Watch out for collective nouns like group, audience, committee, or majority. These take a singular verb unless you are emphasizing the individuals forming the group.

·        CORRECT: A majority of the jury thinks that the defendant is guilty. (The collective is being emphasized.)

·        CORRECT: A majority of the committee have signed their names to the report. (The individual members of the committee are being emphasized.)

A subject that consists of two or more nouns connected by the conjunction and takes the plural form of the verb.

·        CORRECT: Karl, an expert in cooking Hunan chicken, and George, an expert in preparing Hunan spicy duck, have combined their expertise to start a new restaurant.

However, when the subject consists of two or more nouns connected by or or nor, the verb agrees with the CLOSEST noun.

·        CORRECT: Either the senators or the president is misinformed.

·        CORRECT: Either the president or the senators are misinformed.

Some connecting phrases look as though they should make a group of words into a plural but actually do not. The only connecting word that can make a series of singular nouns into a plural subject is and. In particular, the following connecting words and phrases do NOT result in a plural subject:

·        along with, as well as, besides, in addition to, together with

·        INCORRECT: The president, along with the secretary of state and the director of the CIA, are misinformed.

·        CORRECT: The president, along with the secretary of state and the director of the CIA, is misinformed.

You can usually trust your ear to give you the correct verb form. However, subject-verb agreement can be tricky in the following instances:

·        when the subject and verb are separated

·        when the subject is an indefinite pronoun

·        when the subject consists of more than one noun

If a sentence that is grammatically correct still sounds awkward, you should probably rephrase your thought.

ENSURING SUBJECT-VERB AGREEMENT PRACTICE SET

Read the sentences below and revise to ensure subject-verb agreement.

1.     

1.    The arts is a very important topic to discuss at this point in our history.

2.    The majority of the organization’s members is over 60 years old.

Answers and Explanations

Ensuring Subject-Verb Agreement Practice Set

1.    The arts are a very important topic to discuss at this point in our history.

The verb is plural because the sentence is referring to more than one type of art, even though they collectively form a single topic of discussion.

2.    The majority of the organization’s members are over 60 years old.

The verb must be pluralized because the subject is more than one member.

Avoiding Faulty Modification

Modifiers should be placed as close as possible to what they modify. In English, the position of the word within a sentence often establishes the word’s relationship to other words in the sentence. If a modifier is placed too far from the word it modifies, the meaning may be lost or obscured. Notice, in the following sentences, the ambiguity that results when the modifying phrases are misplaced:

·        UNCLEAR: Gary and Martha sat talking about the problem in the office.

·        CLEAR: Gary and Martha sat in the office talking about the problem.

·        UNCLEAR: He only threw the ball eight yards.

·        CLEAR: He threw the ball only eight yards.

In addition to misplaced modifiers, watch for dangling modifiers: modifiers whose intended referents are not even present.

·        INCORRECT: Coming out of context, Peter was startled by Julia’s perceptiveness.

·        CORRECT: Julia’s remark, coming out of context, startled Peter with its perceptiveness.

AVOIDING FAULTY MODIFICATION PRACTICE SET

Read the following sentences and revise the faulty modification.

1.     

1.    Inspired by the new love in his life, it took Sam three months only to finish his novel.

2.    Having been an avid lifelong reader, a bookstore with a café seems like heaven on earth to me.

Answers and Explanations

Avoiding Faulty Modification Practice Set

1.    Inspired by the new love in his life, Sam finished his novel in only three months.

The original sentence contains two faulty modifiers. First, it is Sam, not “it,” who is “inspired,” so Sam should appear right after the comma. Second, the point of the sentence is that Sam finished the novel in only three months, not that finishing the novel was the only thing he got done in that time.

2.    A bookstore with a café seems like heaven on earth to an avid life-long reader like me.

In the unrevised sentence it is unclear whether it is the author or the bookstore that has been a life-long avid reader.

Avoiding Unclear Pronoun Reference

A pronoun is a word that replaces a noun in a sentence. Every time you write a pronoun—such as he, him, his, she, her, hers, it, its, they, their, that, or which—be sure there can be absolutely no doubt what its antecedent is. (An antecedent is the particular noun to which a pronoun refers.) Careless use of pronouns can obscure your intended meaning.

·        UNCLEAR: The teacher told the student he was talented. (Does he refer to teacher or student?)

·        CLEAR: The student was talented, and the teacher told him so.

·        CLEAR: The teacher considered himself talented and told the student so.

·        UNCLEAR: Sara knows more about history than Irina because she learned it from her father.

·        (Does she refer to Sara or Irina?) You can usually rearrange a sentence to avoid ambiguous pronoun references.

·        CLEAR: Because Sara learned history from her father, she knows more than Irina does.

·        CLEAR: Because Irina learned history from her father, she knows less about it than Sara does.

If you are worried that a pronoun reference will be ambiguous, rewrite the sentence so that there is no doubt. Don’t be afraid to repeat the antecedent if necessary.

·        UNCLEAR: I would rather settle in Phoenix than in Albuquerque, although it lacks wonderful restaurants.

·        CLEAR: I would rather settle in Phoenix than in Albuquerque, although Phoenix lacks wonderful restaurants.

A reader must be able to pinpoint the pronoun’s antecedent. Even if you think the reader will know what you mean, do not use a pronoun without a clear and appropriate antecedent.

·        INCORRECT: When you are painting, be sure not to get it on the floor.

·        (It could only refer to the noun paint. But do you see the noun paint anywhere in the sentence? Pronouns cannot refer to implied nouns.)

·        CORRECT: When you are painting, be sure not to get any paint on the floor.

AVOIDING UNCLEAR PRONOUN REFERENCE PRACTICE SET

Revise the following sentences to correct unclear pronoun references.

1.     

1.    Sports enthusiasts’ desires should not trump the needs of the river and the quiet enjoyment of the people who live near the river. Their opinions should be taken into account.

2.    Caroline telephoned her friends in California before going home for the night, which she had not done for weeks.

Answers and Explanations

Avoiding Unclear Pronoun Reference Practice Set

1.    Sports enthusiasts’ desires should not trump the needs of the river and the quiet enjoyment of the people who live near the river, whose opinions should be taken into account.

In the original sentences, it is unclear if the pronoun “their” refers the people who live near the river, or the sports enthusiasts. Replacing “their” with “whose” clarifies matters.

2.    Caroline telephoned her California friends for the first time in weeks before she went home for the night.

In the unrevised sentence, we do not know whether Caroline had not spent the night at home in weeks or whether she had not telephoned her friends in weeks.

Correctly Using Parallelism

It can be rhetorically effective to use a particular construction several times in succession to provide emphasis. The technique is called parallel construction, and it is effective only when used sparingly.

Example: As a leader, Lincoln inspired a nation to throw off the chains of slavery; as a philosopher, he proclaimed the greatness of the little man; as a human being, he served as a timeless example of humility.

The repetition of the italicized construction provides the sentence with a strong sense of rhythm and organization and alerts the reader to the multiple aspects of Lincoln’s character. Matching constructions must be expressed in parallel form. Writers often use parallel structure incorrectly for dissimilar items.

·        INCORRECT: They are sturdy, attractive, and cost only a dollar each. (The phrase They are makes sense preceding the adjectives sturdy and attractive, but it cannot be understood before cost only a dollar each.)

·        CORRECT: They are sturdy and attractive, and they cost only a dollar each.

Parallel constructions must be expressed in parallel grammatical form: all nouns, all infinitives, all gerunds, all prepositional phrases, or all clauses.

·        INCORRECT: All business students should learn word processing, accounting, and how to program computers.

·        CORRECT: All business students should learn word processing, accounting, and computer programming.

This principle applies to any words that might precede items in a series: either repeat the word before every element in a series or include it only before the first item. (In effect, your treatment of the second element of the series determines the form of all subsequent elements.)

·        INCORRECT: He invested his money in stocks, in real estate, and a home for retired performers.

·        CORRECT: He invested his money in stocks, in real estate, and in a home for retired performers.

·        CORRECT: He invested his money in stocks, real estate, and a home for retired performers.

A number of constructions always call for you to express ideas in parallel form. These constructions include the following:

·        X is as  as Y.

·        X is more  than Y.

·        X is less  than Y.

·        Both X and Y . . .

·        Either X or Y . . .

·        Neither X nor Y . . .

·        Not only X but also Y . . .

X and Y can stand for as little as one word or as much as a whole clause, but in any case, the grammatical structure of X and Y must be identical.

·        INCORRECT: The view from this apartment is as spectacular as from that mountain lodge.

·        CORRECT: The view from this apartment is as spectacular as the view from that mountain lodge.

INCLUDING PARALLELISM PRACTICE SET

Read these sentences and revise to correct parallelism.

1.     

1.    Homes sell faster or slowly for a wide variety of reasons.

2.    The grocery baggers were ready, able, and were quite determined to do a great job.

Answers and Explanations

Including Parallelism Practice Set

1.    Homes sell faster or slower for all types of reasons.

In order for the parallel construction to work in this sentence, the two thoughts must have identical grammatical form. Therefore, “slower” is correct because it is grammatically similar to “faster.”

2.    The grocery baggers were ready, able, and quite determined to do a great job.

In this example, there is no need to repeat the verb; the phrase “quite determined to do a great job” can be treated as the final object in the series of terms.

Using a Consistent Narrative Voice

True, we have advised you to avoid needless self-reference. But an occasional self-reference may be appropriate in your GRE essays. You may even call yourself I if you want, as long as you keep the number of first-person pronouns to a minimum. Less egocentric ways of referring to the narrator include we and one. If these more formal ways of writing seem stilted, stay with I.

“In my lifetime, I have seen many challenges to the principle of free speech.”

“You can see how a free society can get too complacent when free speech is taken for granted.”

“One must admit that one should not overgeneralize.”

The method of self-reference you select is called the narrative voice of your essay. Any of the three previous narrative voices is acceptable. Nevertheless, whichever you choose, you must be careful not to shift narrative voice in your essay. If you use I in the first sentence, for example, do not use you in a later sentence. You can shift narrative voice when presenting someone else’s point of view or when speaking hypothetically, but your authorial voice should always be consistent.

·        INCORRECT: In my lifetime, I have seen many challenges to the principle of free speech. You can see how a free society can get too complacent when free speech is taken for granted.

·        It is likewise wrong to shift from you to one:

·        INCORRECT: Just by following the news, you can readily see how politicians have a vested interest in pleasing powerful interest groups. But one should not generalize about this tendency.

USING A CONSISTENT NARRATIVE VOICE PRACTICE SET

Read the sentences below and revise the narrative voice to make it consistent.

1.     

1.    Not all wilderness areas are similar to the glorious Ansel Adams landscapes that we all imagine. If you’ve seen pictures of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, one would be unimpressed by the “natural beauty” of that massive swamp.

2.    I am disgusted by the waste we tolerate in this country. One cannot simply stand by without adding to such waste: living here makes you wasteful.

Answers and Explanations

Using a Consistent Narrative Voice Practice Set

1.    Not all wilderness areas are similar to the glorious Ansel Adams landscapes that you might imagine. If you were to see pictures of ANWAR, you would be unimpressed by the “natural beauty” of that massive swamp.

The narrative tone of most of the passage is personal and does not justify a switch to the more formal third-person “one” in the second sentence.

2.    I am disgusted with the waste we tolerate in this country. We cannot simply stand by without adding to such waste: living here makes us wasteful.

In this passage, the tone and narrative are impassioned and emphatically first person. The reader is directly addressed and exhorted to join in a common cause. Therefore, the passage should retain both the singular and plural forms of the first-person pronoun.

Avoiding Slang and Colloquialisms

Conversational speech is filled with slang and colloquial expressions. However, you should avoid slang on the GRE. Slang terms and colloquialisms, or overly casual sayings, can be confusing to the reader, since these expressions are not universally understood. Even worse, such informal writing may give readers the impression that you are poorly educated or arrogant. Always bear in mind the audience for whom your writing is intended. Finally, remember that contractions are not commonly used in formal writing, so try to avoid them altogether in your essays. You should be fine if you keep in mind the differences between written and spoken English.

·        INAPPROPRIATE: He is really into gardening.

·        CORRECT: He is an avid gardener.

·        INAPPROPRIATE: She plays a wicked game of tennis.

·        CORRECT: She excels at tennis.

·        INAPPROPRIATE: Myra has got to go to Memphis for a week.

·        CORRECT: Myra must go to Memphis for a week.

·        INAPPROPRIATE: Joan’s been doing science for eight years now.

·        CORRECT: Joan has been a scientist for eight years now.

AVOIDING SLANG AND COLLOQUIALISM PRACTICE SET

Read the sentences below and revise the tone to eliminate slang and colloquialisms.

1.     

1.    Gertrude has been rockin’ the sales floor for almost thirty years now.

2.    Normal human beings can’t cope with repeated humiliation.

Answers and Explanations

Avoiding Slang and Colloquialism Practice Set

1.    Gertrude has excelled as a salesperson for almost thirty years.

The tone in the unrevised sentence is too informal. Do not try to make your writing sound like spoken language; the spoken and formal written registers are very different. Always spell out words in their entirety.

2.    Normal human beings cannot tolerate repeated humiliation.

Avoid contractions wherever possible.

Avoiding Sentence Fragments and Run-Ons

Every sentence in formal expository writing must have an independent clause: a clause that contains a subject and a predicate. A sentence fragment has no independent clause; a run-on sentence has two or more independent clauses that are improperly connected. As you edit your practice essays, check your sentence constructions, noting any tendency toward fragments or run-on sentences.

·        FRAGMENT: Global warming. That is what the scientists and journalists are worried about this month.

·        CORRECT: Global warming is the cause of concern for scientists and journalists this month.

·        FRAGMENT: Seattle is a wonderful place to live. Mountains, ocean, and forests, all within easy driving distance. If you can ignore the rain.

·        CORRECT: Seattle is a wonderful place to live, with mountains, ocean, and forests all within easy driving distance. However, it certainly does rain often.

·        FRAGMENT: Why is the author’s position preposterous? Because he makes generalizations that are untrue.

·        CORRECT: The author’s position is preposterous because he makes generalizations that are untrue.

Beginning single-clause sentences with coordinating conjunctions—for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and so—is acceptable in moderation.

CORRECT: Most people would agree that indigent patients should receive wonderful health care. But every treatment has its price.

Time pressure may also cause you to write two or more sentences as one. When you proofread your essays, watch out for independent clauses that are not joined with any punctuation at all or are only joined with a comma.

RUN-ON: Current insurance practices are unfair they discriminate against the people who need insurance most.

You can repair run-on sentences in any one of three ways. First, you could use a period to make separate sentences of the independent clauses.

CORRECT: Current insurance practices are unfair. They discriminate against the people who need insurance most.

You could also use a semicolon. A semicolon is a weak period. It separates independent clauses but signals to the reader that the ideas in the clauses are related.

CORRECT: Current insurance practices are unfair; they discriminate against the people who need insurance most.

The third method of repairing a run-on sentence is usually the most effective. Use a conjunction to turn an independent clause into a dependent one and to make explicit how the clauses are related. A comma is also called for when using one of the FANBOYS (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So) coordinating conjunctions. You should insert a comma before one of these conjunctions when it separates two independent clauses.

·        CORRECT: Current insurance practices are unfair because they discriminate against the people who need insurance most.

·        CORRECT: Current insurance practices are unfair, for they discriminate against the people who need insurance most.

A common cause of run-on sentences is the misuse of adverbs like however, nevertheless, furthermore, likewise, and therefore.

·        RUN-ON: Current insurance practices are discriminatory, furthermore they make insurance too expensive for the poor.

·        CORRECT: Current insurance practices are discriminatory. Furthermore, they make insurance too expensive for the poor.

AVOIDING SENTENCE FRAGMENTS AND RUN-ONS PRACTICE SET

Read the sentences below and make revisions to correct fragments and run-on sentences.

1.     

1.    The writer of this letter lays out a cogent argument about why Adams Realty is superior it is organized, has strong points with clear examples, and is convincing.

2.    Leadership ability. That is the elusive quality that our current government employees have yet to capture.

Answers and Explanations

Avoiding Sentence Fragments and Run-ons Practice Set

1.    The writer of this letter lays out a cogent, organized, and convincing argument with strong points and clear examples to illustrate the superiority of Adams Realty.

The unrevised sentence is turgid and unruly. We have two choices: condense the series of nouns and adjectives, or break it into two different sentences. We’ve gone with concision for this example. By deleting the “it is,” which really should indicate the start of a new sentence, we have put the adjectives describing the argument in a series with commas, and put the nouns into a prepositional phrase at the end of the sentence.

2.    Leadership ability is the elusive quality that our current government employees have yet to capture.

This pair of sentences is fairly easy to revise. The first is a fragment that can easily be incorporated into the second, as the pronoun “that” refers to “Leadership ability.”

Correctly Using Commas

The proper use of commas constitutes one of the trickier points of style and usage. Different editors have different preferences and conventions for how and when to use commas. The guidelines below are ideally suited for use in terse, analytical essays, such as those asked for in the GRE Analytical Writing sections.

Use commas to separate items in a series. If more than two items are listed in a series, they should be separated by commas. The final comma—the one that precedes the word and—is optional (but be consistent throughout your essays).

·        CORRECT: My recipe for buttermilk biscuits contains flour, baking soda, salt, shortening and buttermilk.

·        CORRECT: My recipe for buttermilk biscuits contains flour, baking soda, salt, shortening, and buttermilk.

Don’t place commas before the first element of a series or after the last element.

·        INCORRECT: My investment adviser recommended that I construct a portfolio of, stocks, bonds, commodities futures, and precious metals.

·        INCORRECT: The elephants, tigers, and dancing bears, were the highlights of the circus.

Use commas to separate two or more adjectives before a noun, but don’t use a comma after the last adjective in the series.

·        INCORRECT: The manatee is a round, blubbery, bewhiskered, creature whose continued presence in American waters is endangered by careless boaters.

·        CORRECT: The manatee is a round, blubbery, bewhiskered creature whose continued presence in American waters is endangered by careless boaters.

Use commas to set off parenthetical clauses and phrases. (A parenthetical expression is one that is not necessary to the main idea of the sentence.)

CORRECT: Gordon, who is a writer by profession, bakes an excellent cheesecake.

The main idea is that Gordon bakes an excellent cheesecake. The intervening clause merely serves to identify Gordon; thus, it should be set off with commas.

Use commas after introductory, participial, or prepositional phrases.

·        CORRECT: Having watered his petunias every day during the drought, Harold was very disappointed when his garden was destroyed by insects.

·        CORRECT: After the banquet, Harold and Martha went dancing.

Use commas to separate independent clauses (clauses that could stand alone as complete sentences) connected by coordinating conjunctions such as and, but, yet, and so on.

·        INCORRECT: Susan’s old car has been belching blue smoke from the tailpipe for two weeks, but has not broken down yet.

·        CORRECT: Susan’s old car has been belching blue smoke from the tailpipe for two weeks, but it has not broken down yet.

·        INCORRECT: Zachariah’s pet frog eats 50 flies a day, and never gets indigestion.

·        CORRECT: Zachariah’s pet frog eats 50 flies a day, and it never gets indigestion.

·        CORRECT: Zachariah’s pet frog eats 50 flies a day and never gets indigestion.

USING COMMAS PRACTICE SET

Correct the punctuation errors in the following sentences.

1.     

1.    Teaching, is not a popularity contest!

2.    Pushing through the panicked crowd the security guards frantically searched for the suspect.

Answers and Explanations

Using Commas Practice Set

1.    Teaching is not a popularity contest!

The gerund “Teaching” functions as the subject of the main clause, and therefore cannot be set off by a comma.

2.    Pushing through the panicked crowd, the security guards frantically searched for the suspect.

The participial phrase “Pushing through the panicked crowd” is not necessary to the main idea of the sentence, and should therefore be set off with a comma.

Correctly Using Semicolons

Use a semicolon without a coordinating conjunction (such as and, or, or but) to link two closely related independent clauses. Additionally, use semicolons to separate items in a series in which the items contain commas. Be certain that there are complete sentences on both sides of a semicolon unless you are using it to separate items in a series.

·        INCORRECT: Whooping cranes are an endangered species; and they are unlikely to survive if we continue to pollute.

·        CORRECT: Whooping cranes are an endangered species; there are only 50 whooping cranes in New Jersey today.

·        CORRECT: Three important dates in the history of the company are December 16, 1999; April 4, 2003; and June 30, 2007.

Use a semicolon between independent clauses connected by words like therefore, nevertheless, and moreover.

·        CORRECT: The staff meeting has been postponed until next Thursday; therefore, I will be unable to get approval for my project until then.

·        CORRECT: Farm prices have been falling rapidly for two years; nevertheless, the traditional American farm is not in danger of disappearing.

USING SEMICOLONS PRACTICE SET

Correct the punctuation errors in the following sentences.

1.     

1.    Very few students wanted to take the class in physics, it was only the professor’s kindness that kept it from being canceled.

2.    Marcus has five years’ experience in karate; but Tyler has even more.

Answers and Explanations

Using Semicolons Practice Set

1.    Very few students wanted to take the class in physics; it was only the professor’s kindness that kept it from being canceled.

The two independent clauses in the sentence have to be separated by a semicolon or a conjunction. Since “only” does not function as a conjunction in this context, a semicolon is required for the sentence to be grammatically correct.

2.    Marcus has five years’ experience in karate, but Tyler has even more.

When using the coordinating conjunction “but” to separate the two clauses, it should be preceded by a comma, not a semicolon.

Correctly Using Colons

In formal writing, the colon is used only as a means of signaling that what follows is a list, definition, explanation, or concise summary of what has gone before. The colon usually follows an independent clause, and it will frequently be accompanied by a reinforcing expression like the following, as follows, or namely or by an explicit demonstrative pronoun like this.

·        CORRECT: Your instructions are as follows: read the passage carefully, answer the questions on the last page, and turn over your answer sheet.

·        CORRECT: This is what I found in the refrigerator: a moldy lime, half a bottle of stale soda, and a jar of peanut butter.

Be careful not to put a colon between a verb and its direct object.

·        INCORRECT: I want: a slice of pizza and a small green salad.

·        CORRECT: This is what I want: a slice of pizza and a small green salad. (The colon serves to announce that a list is forthcoming.)

·        CORRECT: I don’t want much for lunch: just a slice of pizza and a small green salad. (Here what follows the colon defines what don’t want much means.)

Context will occasionally make clear that a second independent clause is closely linked to its predecessor, developing the previous clause further, even without an explicit expression like those used above. Here, too, a colon is appropriate, although a period will always be correct too.

CORRECT: We were aghast: the “charming country inn” that had been advertised in such glowing terms proved to be a leaking cabin full of mosquitoes.

USING COLONS PRACTICE SET

Correct the punctuation errors in the following sentences.

1.     

1.    The residents of Mason City do not just enjoy: swimming, boating, and fishing.

2.    The chef has created a masterpiece, the pasta is delicate yet firm, the mustard greens are fresh, and the medallions of veal are melting in my mouth.

Answers and Explanations

Using Colons Practice Set

1.    The residents of Mason City do not just enjoy swimming, boating, and fishing.

The use of a colon is inappropriate in this situation because colons should not separate a verb and its direct object, such as “enjoy” and “swimming.”

2.    The chef has created a masterpiece: the pasta is delicate yet firm, the mustard greens are fresh, and the medallions of veal are melting in my mouth.

A colon should follow the word “masterpiece” to signal that a list is coming. Note that the list does not have to be single words; it can be composed of independent clauses.

Correctly Using Hyphens and Dashes

Use a hyphen with the compound numbers twenty-one through ninety-nine and with fractions used as adjectives.

·        CORRECT: Sixty-five students constituted a majority.

·        CORRECT: A two-thirds vote was necessary to carry the measure.

Use a hyphen with the prefixes ex-, all-, and self- and with the suffix -elect.

·        CORRECT: The constitution protects against self-incrimination.

·        CORRECT: The president-elect was invited to chair the meeting.

Use a hyphen with a compound adjective when it comes before the word it modifies but not when it comes after the word it modifies.

·        CORRECT: The no-holds-barred argument continued into the night.

·        CORRECT: The argument continued with no holds barred.

Use a hyphen with any prefix used before a proper noun or adjective.

·        CORRECT: His pro-African sentiments were heartily applauded.

·        CORRECT: They believed that his accent was un-Australian.

Use a hyphen to separate component parts of a word to avoid confusion with other words or to avoid the use of a double vowel.

·        CORRECT: The sculptor was able to re-form the clay after the dog knocked over the bust.

·        CORRECT: The family re-entered their house after the fire marshal departed.

Use a dash to indicate an abrupt change of thought. (Two hyphens right next to each other will suffice to indicate a dash when you’re typing your GRE essays.)

·        CORRECT: The inheritance must cover the entire cost of the proposal—Gail has no other money to invest.

·        CORRECT: To get a high score—and who doesn’t want to get a high score?— you need to devote yourself to prolonged and concentrated study.

USING HYPHENS AND DASHES PRACTICE SET

Correct the punctuation errors in the following sentences.

1.     

1.    Harry had every physical advantage—over his opponent—size, speed, strength, but luck was not on his side.

2.    John and his ex wife remained on friendly terms.

Answers and Explanations

Using Hyphens and Dashes Practice Set

1.    Harry had every physical advantage over his opponent—size, speed, strength—but luck was not on his side.

The original sentence uses dashes to separate “over his opponent” from the rest of the sentence, which is wrong because that phrase is an essential part of the sentence. The list of advantages is a break in thought, so that's what the dashes need to set apart.

2.    John and his ex-wife remained on friendly terms.

The prefix “ex” modifies the word “wife,” and thus requires a hyphen.

Correctly Using Apostrophes

Use an apostrophe in a contraction to indicate that one or more letters have been eliminated. But try to avoid using contractions altogether on the GRE: using the full form of a verb is more appropriate in formal writing.

·        CONTRACTED: We’d intended to address the question of equal rights, but it’s too late to begin the discussion now.

·        FULL FORM: We had intended to address the question of equal rights, but it is too late to begin the discussion now.

One of the most common errors involving the apostrophe is using it in the contraction you’re or it’s to indicate the possessive form of you or it. When you write you’re, ask yourself whether you mean you are. If not, the correct word is your. Similarly, are you sure you mean it is? If not, use the possessive form its.

·        INCORRECT: You’re chest of drawers is ugly.

·        CORRECT: Your chest of drawers is ugly.

·        INCORRECT: The dog hurt it’s paw.

·        CORRECT: The dog hurt its paw.

Use the apostrophe to indicate the possessive form of a noun.

NOUN	POSSESSIVE
the boy	the boy’s
Harry	Harry’s
the children	the children’s
the boys	the boys’
the bass	the bass’s

NOTE: Possessive forms can sometimes look like contractions. The word boy’s, for example, could have one of three meanings:

·        The boy’s an expert at chess. (contraction: the boy is …)

·        The boy’s left for the day. (contraction: the boy has …)

·        The boy’s face was covered with pie. (possessive: the face of the boy)

The word boys’ can have only one meaning: a plural possessive (the  of the boys).

·        CORRECT: Ms. Fox’s office is on the first floor. (One person possesses the office.)

·        CORRECT: The Foxes’ apartment has a wonderful view. (There are several people named Fox living in the same apartment. First you must form the plural; then add the apostrophe to indicate possession.)

Possessive pronouns do not use an apostrophe (with the exception of the neutral one, which forms its possessive by adding ’s).

·        INCORRECT: The tiny cabin had been our’s for many years.

·        CORRECT: The tiny cabin had been ours for many years.

USING APOSTROPHES PRACTICE SET

Read the sentences below and revise for appropriate apostrophe use.

1.     

1.    People should be allowed to keep their money and use it for the thing’s they want.

2.    The young men were students at the Boy’s Latin School.

Answers and Explanations

Using Apostrophes Practice Set

1.    People should be allowed to keep their money and use it for the things they want.

The word “things” in this sentence is used as a direct object and not as a possessive. There is no need for an apostrophe, as the “s” is simply pluralizing it.

2.    The young men were students at the Boys’ Latin School.

The apostrophe should follow the “s” in “Boys,” as the term refers to more than one boy.

In the chapters that follow, you will learn how to approach the two basic types of Analytical Writing tasks on the GRE. The Argument task will ask you to analyze an incomplete argument, while the Issue task will oblige you to come up with one of your own. Although each type of task requires you to approach an argument in distinctly different ways, both are built on the foundations you studied in this chapter.